I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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