I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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