i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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