Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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