He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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