Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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