I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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