u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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