You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize