I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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