Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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