just tell him i said nine months
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize