Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
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I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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