tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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