I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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