all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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