Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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