So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
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Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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