My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize