who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize