I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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