No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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