i would punch a child for taco bell
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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