What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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