then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize