The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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