I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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