I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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