i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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