i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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