Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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