you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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