I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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