Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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