I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
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I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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