oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize