sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
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Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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