We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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