are you still at the devil's house?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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