you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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