Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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