Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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