i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize