So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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