If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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