She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
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how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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