Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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