With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize