He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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