Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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